There is a common misconception by the community that when children are adopted at a really young age they will not grow up to ask questions. In reality, it does not matter at what age a child is adopted, they will eventually hear stories or put the pieces together themselves and a whirlwind of emotions will hit both the children and their adoptive parents. Another misconception that is most common among children is that the adoptees are lucky because they are a part of a family that loves them when they do not have to, which is true to a point; however, that does not take away the fact that they are missing out on their identity development and their self esteem is low.

Somewhere around the fifth grade, the children start learning about genetics and traits. Adoptees start questioning the similarities and differences between their parents and themselves of no fault of anyone. They wonder for several weeks about their families the entire time they are studying about hair and eye color. They then begin asking for answers and reasons as to why their parent's hair is blonde and they have no cleft chin, while the child's hair is black with a cleft chin. As to be expected, the parents will be caught off guard and saddened to have to explain themselves and attempt to answer as many questions as possible. The questions as to who their "real" family is, where they are, why they gave them up often times cannot be answered by the adopters. It is from this point that the children start to experience the roller coaster of emotions and a self esteem only they can raise in time.

Adoptees often experience a tidal wave of emotions when they are beginning their journeys to figuring out just who they are. Confusion and denial are the first to set in along with the anger of not being told sooner. Eventually they come to grips with the news and realize that them being adopted was ultimately for their betterment; however, they will not yet want to go searching for their biological families for the fear of that they may be lied to and never have their needed answers and will not truly know who they are. But the first step that is needed in order to be able to take the next is most important: healing.

Once an adoptee reaches the point of wanting to search for their biological family, they will need the love and support of their adopters to make it. Of coarse it will be difficult for both parties, simply for the fact that neither one wants the other to get hurt, but they both understand it is a necessary part of life. The adopters have to see that it is natural for the adoptee to be curious, as do the adoptees to see that it is the same for the parents to be hurt and scared. Both need to prepare themselves for the situation to go in any direction at any point. It is important to be able to accept two concepts prior to finding the blood relatives;