Liking, Loving, and Interpersonal Sensitivity
We like people whose behavior provides us w/ maximum reward @ minimum lost – Too broad of a statement? – Yes
The effects of Praise and Favors.
Praise & criticism > we like people who evaluate us positively
Flattery > we like people who flatter us as long as they do not have ulterior motives
Favors & Rewards > we do not want strings attached
Praise and favors are non-transitional rewards Transitional – universal reward
Non- transitional – rewarding depending upon the situational variables – they can be subtle
Physical Attractiveness
Peoples’ behavior indicates that it is their looks that are most important
Gender & mating strategies > gender differences emerge for long term mating strategies
Men (beauty)/ Women(wealth)
We blame beautiful people less
We assign desirable traits to beautiful people
Attributions in the business world: Handsome men get higher paying salaries than women & Attractive women do not reap the benefits until they have been on the Job for some time
Similarity & Attraction
We like people who share our attitudes
If we like someone, we assume they like us. We will erroneously believe they share important attitudes with us
Being liked linked to self esteem
Dual self-fulfilling prophecies
When self-esteem is low we are likely to like someone who we knew liked us
Self-esteem provides us the confidence to approach people we might not otherwise approach
Effects of Rejection & Social Exclusion
Most people fear rejection
What happens when we are socially rejected? Physical reactions such as feeling colder and needing warmth
Psychological instances of rejection lead to physiological increase in pain
Evolution & Social Exclusion.
Reliance on the group was a matter of survival
Rejection severely reduced a person’s ability to reproduce and survive
Those predisposed to reject rejection and exclusion very seriously passed on their genes to the next generation
We are programmed to feel even minor instances of rejection
The anticipation of rejection
Anticipation & IQ > anticipation of rejection can have a major impact on intellectual performance
When people anticipate rejection, more likely to choose unhealthy food, procrastinate, etc.
The Gain and Loss of Esteem
Gain loss theory of Attraction
Gain > increase in (+) rewarding behavior from another person will lead us to like that individual more than if we were constantly rewarded by their behavior from that person, increases in negative behavior will lead us to dislike that individual
Pile it on theory – want someone to like you more, want someone to like you less
Healthy Relationship: Balancing Act
Quest for a communal relationship
Exchange relationship : people in these relationships are concerned about equality, so that there is a fairness of distribution of the reward & costs
A major imbalance will cause both people to be unhappy
Person on the short end we usually feel angry and depressed
Person on the long end feels guilty
TICK FOR TACK! ^^
Communal relationship – both people contribute to the relationship. No one keeps score. Non- quantifiable Ideal relationship – Both people are Happy
Love & Intimacy proximity matters > we can not fall in love until we actually meet birds of a feather flock together fall in love with people similar to ourselves
Defining Love. Not a unitary dimension (not one definition)
Passionate – strong emotions, sexual desires, & intense preoccupations. Rapid ZA ZA ZU
Companionate Love – milder, more stable experience, marked by feeling of mutual trust, dependability, & warmth
Sternburgs Triangular Theory of Love.
Intimacy-liking > infatuation passion > commitment – Empty Love
Relationships are dynamic & Fluid
Authenticity in relationships
Both partners need to resolve conflict in open & honest ways
Authentic styles of communicating lead to higher marital status
Couples should have joy overshadow envy
Characteristics of effective