School and Stress

September 24, 2013

School is Stressful
Since the day I graduated in 2009, I have been continuously in and out of school. I took multiple breaks, because my work load was stressful, I was trying to maintain good grades and have a booming social life. Another major reason was, because I wasn’t giving my full attention to my studies, I wasn’t living up to my full potential and that was a reflection of my horrible grades. I felt like it was a waste of time to keep doing something when I wasn’t really fully committed. Also, it was becoming depressing and gave me a lot of unnecessary anxiety. Honestly, I knew deep down in my heart that I would obtain low grades and possibly fail the class.
Once upon a time, believe it or not, I enjoyed school. I had many friends, participated in several activities and I loved learning new topics. From Pre-K to 4th grade I was a great student who achieved good grades and many accolades. For some reason around 5th grade, my positive attitude about school turned into a nightmare and my fear of passing and failing became a reality. In 2003, I received my first F on a test and I felt defeated. Failing a test, a class or anything was something that I had never experienced before and I felt like a failure. My heavy workload did not allow me to multi-task and I had a hard time adjusting to the new schedule. After receiving the grade, I couldn’t recover from my lack of commitment. In the past, I was able to correct my errors, but this time there was no getting out of the valley that I fell into. I begged my teacher to let me take the test over, but she wouldn’t let me make up the test. Again, I felt defeated and those feelings changed my entire vision of teachers and school. I felt like a failure, I was stressed out about telling my parents and I lost my confidence. I was embarrassed, I felt stupid, and all of those feelings put me into a small depression and insecurity took over my life.
Maintaining good grades was very important to me. I loved when my parents would give me ten dollars for every A and five dollars for every B. I challenged myself to obtain good grades, so that I would be rewarded. I loved to save some of the money that I received and spend the rest at the mall. I purchased clothing, electronics and gifts for my family with the money I collected. But after receiving the failing grade, the money ceased and my opportunity to purchase items for myself and others was no longer a reality. I was never really able to recover from this devastating lost. Ten