An Unexpected Journey I always knew that someday I would be a mother. Babysitting since the age of 12 and growing up in a family full of younger cousins made me sure that it was something I not only wanted, but would be good at. I viewed it as a future adventure, a journey with a little partner in crime that would become my number one. I had been making plans for motherhood for as long as I could remember. Playing house and imagining going to the zoo with my future kids, I spent plenty of time thinking about the future. Finding myself pregnant at the age of 19, however, was not written in the plan books. As unexpected as it was, having my son is without doubt the best thing that I have ever experienced. It has taught me that every day is not only a new adventure, but a learning experience. Figuring out how to handle uncertainties has helped me change and become a stronger person.
From the first home pregnancy test (and the four that followed,) to waiting impatiently through 36 hours of labor, I was unsure. Unsure of everything one could possibly be unsure about. Uncertainties and self-doubts flooded my mind throughout my pregnancy. What if I couldn’t be what my son needed? Was I going to be a good mother? I wished I could look into a crystal ball and know that everything was going to be ok. I can distinctly remember the moment I stopped wishing for that peek into the future. When my son, Liam, was placed in my arms for the first time, everything changed. Looking at his perfect face made me realize that whatever the future held for us needed to be taken step-by-step. Saying that I no longer worry would be untrue; I simply do not let these worries take over. Coming to terms with the fact that uncertainties were now something I would never get rid of was a hard hill to climb. It is probably one of the most valuable lessons anyone could learn. Financial uncertainties are the biggest means of worries that I have had to deal with. Money was never an issue for me growing up. My family wasn’t well off in the least, but we always got by. I was always able to get new shoes when my old ones wore out, and I never had to worry about there being food on the table. Even after moving out of my parent’s house I didn’t think about money. Before having Liam and throughout my pregnancy I worked two jobs. Working 65 hours a week and going to school part-time meant that I always had enough money for whatever bills I might’ve had, and not much spare time to spend any extra. Being thrown into a world where I had to provide for two changed my perspective on money greatly. After having Liam, I cut down to one job and went back to school full time. It was a hard decision to make because doing so meant money became more of a worry. Looking at the big picture helps me not get too overwhelmed,