Holly Shirmenzagas
Don’t leave Most of people live in the middle, dream come true, or you’re dying. I been told that I have 2 more months to live. When I think about it I really get sick to my stomach. Sometimes I have a really really good days but sometimes I have a really really bad days. But I want everyone to know that you don’t have to find out you’re dying to start living. Death is just another thing on the edge, yeah It’s scary but it’s only scary because you don’t know what’s next or if there is a next so It’s like sitting in the dark but you can either choose to freak out in the dark thinking what’s out there or you can just relax and fall asleep and just be happy with everything. I don’t remember the last time I played with other kids at the playground, or went to shopping with mommy, or brushed my hair. I wanna be my happiest and give everyone joy. I’m not scared anymore. I’m ready to let it go. In 7 years for the first time. I’m going home today.
My name is Joy I’m 15 years old and I have a brain cancer. I been fighting it for years, now I’m tired and there is no hope, but I have a lot to do before. The only best friend I have is my mom. She does everything with me. I’m glad I have her. My dad works full time and mom stays with me all day. I told her to go home but she said she can’t leave me a lone.
I like writing, and drawing. These are the only things that I express my feelings with. I sketch all the time, I am surrounded by endless amounts of A3 and A4 size pads. I am constantly trying to resolve problems and details. I have a necessity to know what a detail looks like how the materials come together, how it works in three­dimensions. I draw it for myself, and I understand it. It also brings us in one. When you say sun, only the people who speaks in english would understand but if you draw it, everyone will understand. I have my own facebook page that I post the pictures of my drawing, and I have 35k followers not bad right?
I don’t dream about going to places and seeing different things. Because I’ve seen them, I’ve traveled around the world, just by staying in bed all day. I always wanted to be a hairstylist and makeup artist. I do my mom’s hair all the time because I have none. Even driving home was so much fun. There are so many things I’ve haven’t seen for a long time. The feeling of a freedom, peace, and a wind blowing on my face. World is a small place you gotta enjoy the bright side of it and ignore the darkness.
My parents moved and got smaller house because they couldn’t afford my bills anymore.
They told me not to worry about the money, but I felt bad for them.
Finally we got home, My room is in upstairs, and my walls are blank white, and there are painting colors sitting next to them. The window is so big, literally the whole wall is a window. I like my room. There was scratch paper and a pencil sitting on my table. I started drawing. By time dinner was ready, I was halfway through my nonsense drawing. Finally I had a homemade chicken soup. It was something that I haven’t had for a long time. It was amazing and then there is the movie night with folks. My grand parents are coming to town tomorrow morning and staying with us. I haven’t seen them for years. Life is good.
I woke up this morning and had a breakfast with my grandparents, they’re funny. I went outside with my dog and I see the trees on my back yard, they’re green and they’re growing. Sometimes, when I think about it, It’s kind of sad that I will never get to have my first kiss, get grounded for sneaking out, getting bad grades, being able to do my make up and

going to the prom, getting dumped and dumping someone or losing my virginity. My ultimate dream is to have 4 kids, 2 girls 2 boys most people just ignore it but It’ll never happen to me. I wonder what’s like to have a normal day routine, without taking all these meds or randomly bleeding 4­6 times a day from my nose. Oh