Marriage: What makes a marriage successful

“Marriage: Love is the reason. Lifelong friendship is the gift. Kindness is the cause. Til’ death do us part is the length.” Fawn Weaver. My parents are great examples of what it means to make a marriage work. While I had several couples I could have chosen to interview for this assignment, I feel like my parents are the best examples of what it means to be truly committed to another person. My parents have been married for a little over 26 years and have five amazing children, of which I am the second oldest. Prior to getting married my parents dated for roughly nine months and were engaged for about eight. My parents gave me a few specific things they feel help make a marriage last; spending time together, expressing gratitude, being influenced, respect, and don’t sweat the small stuff. Spending time together can be seen as critically important. Why would you marry someone you don’t want to spend time with or make time for? You wouldn’t. Uninterrupted time is crucial for a marriage to be successful. Touching base with your partner is what helps build connection and closeness. My parents for example have date night. This allows them time where they focus on each other. They may talk about the kids, work, what their day consisted of, but basically anything goes. Date night is a time for just them. “It is about investing in the other person.” (Dad) Expressing Gratitude, while this may seem like an obvious, can sometimes not be given enough attention. This concept is about the little things such as a “thank you”, or “wow, that was so thoughtful”. It is important to show your partner that you appreciate them and value their effort to help out with the little things, even if you expect them to do it, it is still nice to be appreciated. As my mom said,” This increases the overall positive feeling that you have toward your relationship.” A compromise my mom has often had to deal with is being able to be influenced. Sometimes, she feels that she is right about something and gets set on this idea. However, my dad may also have an opinion and a better way of doing something. “Being influenced is about listening to your spouse and being able to change your ideas or opinions on things, big or small.” Staying open to what is important to the other person and being able to truly listen. “In a marriage you are always working for the other person, each others goals not your own.” Dad. “Being right has little value in a marriage, it is more about making sure you are both happy.” Mom. Respect is huge in a marriage, and really huge in any relationship. In order for a relationship to be successful you have to show respect for the other person in all areas. Arguing is a key area where sometimes this concept flies out the window. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. There are going to be things that you don’t agree on right away. As we learned in class, criticism, defensiveness,