-you have a lot of repetitions, I fixed most of it but read over just in case. -you are shifting tenses, some are “is” and some are “was”, correct me if I’m wrong if I put on the wrong “is” or “was” but pay more attention to them as you read your essay over again. -I also put in suggestions (they are indicated) -Red font is used when I changed something, highlighted means re-phrase b/c and or it makes no sense, green is re-phrase that sentence, and underlined red font are just comments I made…
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