Continuous Cycle of Love

Romeo had to climb up a very high balcony to meet his love, he risked falling down and cracking his skull open. Rapunzel let down her long hair for her prince charming to climb up and rescue her. Sleeping beauty was awoken by a kiss from her prince. Cinderella’s prince came to find her, knocking on each and every door, knowing that she could’ve lived anywhere. Beauty and the beast is different, beauty went to the beast herself and they feel in love. My story is similar. I let my prince (at the time) in through the front window of my house because I didn't have the key to the front door.

Bayhan was really special. He used to say the sweetest things knowingly and unknowingly. Whatever we did, he made it special. I clearly remember once he said something that I don't think I'll ever forget. It still makes me smile whenever I think about it. It was a hot day and he'd brought a drink. He hadn't opened it and he said to me 'Open this and drink from it.' I was puzzled. I asked him 'Why?', he said 'Just do it or else I won't drink it.' Bayhan was always really strict and stubborn so you couldn't really win any argument against him. I opened the bottle and I drank from it. I handed it back to him and he said 'Now it'll taste sweeter.' Being a girl, and a very filmy girl that is, my heart melted. You've probably got the image of Bayhan in your mind as a very romantic, sweet, handsome and funny guy. The perfect guy in other words. Well no. He isn't the perfect guy. He might have been but now he's changed.

Me on the other hand, I used to write him soppy essays about his looks and our love. About our lives, our future and the babies we planned to have one day. He even shouted at me once or twice for writing him such long essays that he had no time to read, because he was so busy at work. It makes me laugh now that I think about how much I pestered and annoyed him. He used to get angry and give me the silent treatment. Honestly, his silent treatments were really effective! Once he would say 'Don't expect me to talk to you', he'd stick by what he'd said! Many people thought our relationship was really sweet. I don't know what Bayhan thought of us to be and what he titled our relationship as but I'd proudly like to say I always thought we were 'Husband and Wife'.

We argued like normal couples but we didn't realize when our arguments started getting serious. One day I did something that I sometimes regret...I rang him and told him that it's over. There's nothing left between us. Previously I'd been feeling suspicious and had a gut feeling that something was dodgy. I don't know and won't ever know whether my assumptions were correct or not but frankly speaking, I don't want to know. We'd broken up during the end of October and the beginning of September. It hurt. I'm sure it hurt him as well. For a few days I felt lost and seriously regretted what I'd done and wanted him back but after he kept ignoring me I realized I haven't done anything wrong. I listened to my heart and did what I felt was right. Sometimes following your heart hurts. We carried on speaking as 'friends'.

I didn't know 'friends' speak to one another from 5am till 7am in the morning on New Years Day. I didn't know 'friends' wait for one another to come home after a very late night and question them as to where they were. I didn't know 'friends' always want to know where you are and who you're with. I honestly didn't know 'friends' say really hurtful things when one 'friend' speaks about her male 'friend'. Whatever friends do is very different to what we did. We carried on speaking but sometimes I'd forget we weren't a couple anymore. Bayhan said he wanted to see me so we planned a day to meet one another. I did so many dodgy things in the past and this was added to the list. I don't know if I'd mentioned this but we weren't pure. We'd made love. I always felt and still feel that I'm indebted to him. Not in a wrong way but in the