An Emotional Journey:
Orders, Deployment, & Homecoming

Jennifer Watkins
English 101
Katie Barnett
May 7, 2006

Staring at the papers he had laid on the bed, my heart was beating in double time. I did not want to look at them but I kept staring at them, hoping they would disappear before my eyes. I did not want to read those papers, in my mind if I didn’t read them, what they contained would not be true. I tried to ignore them but the agony of not knowing, for myself, what was written on them seemed to consume my every thought. I could not control the urge any longer so I picked up the papers and began to read every typed word at least a hundred times, so my heart would accept what my mind already knew; my husband was going to war. As I read the letterhead- Department of the Army followed by the division and the issuing military installation- I got an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach, knowing only serious or bad news comes from the military on paper this formal. I continued to the next section- the following organization or unit action is taken: you are reassigned and deployed as shown below and are to return to your permanent station upon completion of duties in support of this operation- I was crying now, feeling hopeless, knowing this was the real thing and there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening Next came the new assigned company and the authorization to travel to areas- all of the Middle East and anywhere else the Army wanted to send him; the purpose…..in support of Operation Enduring Freedom; the length of time to be deployed- 179 days with possible extension of up to 365 days; proceed date- on or about March 03, 2003- I wanted to throw up, had a headache, and my heart was hurting. I now knew for sure that he had to go and I would have to accept it, even though I refused too, at this point. The following section was all the supplies he was authorized to take with him- deployment packet, uniforms, weapon, record of emergency data, medical records- then came things he was not authorized to take with him- family, automobile, household goods; next came the amount of money he would be making each month for being deployed in a danger/hazard fire zone and being separated from his family- I was convinced that I would tell the Army that they could keep their money if they would let him stay in the United States with his family, not wanting the money that the Army thought would make up for him being away from his family and deployed to a “possible” war zone. At the end of the orders there was a seal from the issuing post and the signature of the adjutant general so everyone who read them would know that they were authentic and not some kind of sick joke; the seal didn’t help me to believe, deep down, that this was actually happening to our family. As I laid the papers down, I sat in denial for a few minutes then what I had read sunk in. I dropped my head into my hands and started to sob hysterically wondering if I was strong enough to actually go through months without my husband by my side. My husband came to me and pulled me up and into his arms, letting me cry into his chest, telling me that it will be okay and that I am stronger than I give myself credit for and he needed me to be strong for him and he needed me to keep things in order on the home front so he wouldn’t have to worry while he was away, doing his job and that we had to make the most of the couple of weeks that we had before he had to go. I wondered how we were going to tell our children that he was