ZOMBIES NEED RIGHTS GODDAMMIT Frankly, I would have thought that this proposition would be obvious. In our own capital city, there was the first successful case of a zombie cohabitation between the best friends Shaun and Ed who are in their mid-30’s. These two men are capable of being in a contained space together and play video games. Although this is a rare occurrence, this is just the beginning, this is the first step in a cultural revolution, this is the direction we want to be moving in. Cruelty is described as the infliction of suffering or harm upon any creature for purposes other than self-defense. In the past year alone there has been a reported [Citizens For Undead Rights and Equality CURE] 30,000 cases of zombie cruelty in the UK. This unacceptably high number of cases includes a truly horrifying range of actions, both passive and active. These heinous crimes include the passive such as starvation, dehydration, parasite infestations, inadequate shelter, and range to the malicious like stabbings, burnings, beatings, only to mention a few. It is believed that those who carry out these crimes have a history of anti-social personality behavior, and are not just a danger to Zombies but to the populous at large. Research by the Specialist Operations Branch has found that those who show signs of zombie abuse go on to become serial killers and rapists. These are the people we should be spending our time locking up, these are the people we should be isolating for the general populous’ sake. The zombies are just another victim in these situations. It is immoral to blame a zombie for being abused, just as it is immoral to blame anyone who is abused that they deserved it. To quote the great Zombie Rights campaigner Alex Garland at his 28 Days Later Speech “They do not attack each other, they do not lie, steal or discriminate. In almost all ways they are better people than us. Maybe by attacking us, they are just trying to make us better human beings.” While I do not agree that we should all lose our