Brief Summary The Intentional Family is a book about strengthening family connections and relationships through everyday rituals, holiday celebrations, special occasions and community involvement. The book serves as a guide to help families transform simple family routines into family rituals. It discusses the importance of being consistent with good family rituals and compromising to change rituals that do not work. Doherty states that family rituals provide four important things, predictability, connections, identity, and a way to enact values. He gives many examples and suggestions on how families can best create rituals from activities they may already be doing. Many families have rituals that they feel “stuck” with. Doherty also
Rituals also give families a sense of identity. Participating in holiday dinners and family outings gives people a sense of belonging to a family. Rituals can also be used as a way to demonstrate family values. You’re family’s rituals show whether going to church, volunteering in the community or vising grandparents are important to you and your family. I have also realized through reading this book that family rituals do not have to remain the same if they are not enjoyable for the family. Many need fine-tuning if nothing else. A ritual should not be burdensome for any family member. The best example I can think of is my family’s holiday meals. My mom is the “coordinator” of all holidays. When asked if she needs help, she will always say no. She then ends up being stressed for weeks before and exhausted the day of. After reading this book, I am better prepared for reshaping this ritual. In the past, I would accept her saying that I shouldn’t bring anything or do anything to prepare for the meal. I believe now, that if I explain to her that I would feel more included in the holiday if I was allowed to bring a dish, she would gladly accept my help. It’s simply a lack of communication that has prevented us from establishing this. She feels that she doesn’t want to burden me with asking for help, then I feel like a burden to her when I see her exhausted