History Of Bcuz

Submitted By pauljsullivan94
Words: 2836
Pages: 12

The BCuZ device was invented in 2036 at Michigan's prestigious Kalamazoo Valley CC by a baker's dozen of doctoral candidates, culled from the fields of divinity, naprapathy, and dentistry. Although they were the greatest minds of their day, it remains unclear how even they could create such a complicated device. Following BCuZ's announcement the thirteen were bombarded with requests to explain how it functioned or, failing that, to provide some insight to the design process. In the initial weeks each managed to avoid such questions with claims of intellectual privacy and lack of time. As political scrutiny grew and public backlash mounted, individuals began buckling, Bellomi Blumstein famously claiming in the same breath that BCuZ was solely his brainchild and that he had no understanding of it so stop bothering him already. By New Year's Day 2038, all of the original inventors had died, been incarcerated, or disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Understanding of BCuZ has not improved in the subsequent centuries. Surprisingly simple in construction, BCuZ is made by assembling ENTRY REMOVED into the shape of a ENTRY REMOVED, at the center of which is deposited a large, brown ENTRY REMOVED. Once put together and painted a matte blue for flare, using BCuZ is as simple as reciting specific magic words. "Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar," produces enough food to feed a city of 10,824.9 peoples for a month; "What did the spider say to the fly," de-Babels all living creatures within a radius of 10,824.9 meters; "Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego," transports everything in the immediate, confined vicinity 10,824.9 light hours to the left. The Antarctic Dispute of 2025 was still fresh in Earth's consciousness when BCuZ first hit the newswaves. Many were quick to note the similarities between BCuZ and the instigators of that conflict: the C.F.W.D. Fearing a resurgence of Horses, Earth's governments unanimously outlawed BCuZ. Copies of its patent application were given to all heads of state so that no nation could ever use BCuZ to the disadvantage of others, and those patents were reported sealed. Certain technological and societal advancements in the decades to follow appear unusual in hindsight, but cannot conclusively be tied to infractions of the BCuZ embargo. The overturning of this embargo in 2112 was seen as a happy coincidence. Fueled by BCuZ, humanity expanded into systems, realms, and planes it had never believed possible. Conflict, reason, time itself could be truncated with a simple phrase. And still nobody understood the cause. It was, therefore, inevitable that BCuZ would backfire. The device's expanding capabilities relied on continued searching for new magic words. When, in 2222, the infamous Dum B. Ass, chief researcher of the Panamanian Union's BCuZ Research Division, asked, "ENTRY REMOVED?" within the operating range of an active unit, Earth, the cradle of humanity and the center of PAT's economy and civilization, was removed from the knowledge banks, unable to be found, reached, or returned to. In a knee-jerk reaction of galactic proportions, the thousand worlds of PAT took steps to prevent repeating the misplacement of Earth: they voted to eradicate, not BCuZ, which so much of contemporary life had come to rely upon, but rather the nature of questions. Without questions, which were so often identical in composition to valid magic words, there would no longer be the risk of replicating Ass's mistake. The only "questions" allowed to continue would be those with permitted BCuZ functions, for, so it was reasoned, only those questions needed answering and only BCuZ could provide those answers. An estimated 1.08249% of the population chose to Split from PAT rather than give up on their Question, abandoning BCuZ and retreating beyond its Sphere. The majorities that stayed behind purged Questions from history without attention to context. Seventeenth-century philosopher William Shakespeare's Hamlet became