TWO: Ladies and gentlemen,
ONE: The performance is about to begin
TWO: I’m Ju Li.
ONE: And i’m Ashvinnie.
ONE: At this moment we ask that you take a moment to switch off your cellular phones,
TWO: Silence all pagers,
ONE: And turn off that annoying beeping function on digital watches.
TWO: (to ONE) Why do people still wear those annoying things?
ONE: (to TWO) I don’t know.
TWO: Also, if you have any hard candy or cough drops,
ONE: Please, be kind enough to unwrap it before the performance begins.
TWO: In this case, the show has already started, so please do us all a favor and wait another eight minutes till we’re done— ONE: Then you can unwrap your candy.
TWO: But if for some odd reason you can’t wait
BOB: Pigs?
RALPH: No.
BOB: Deer?
RALPH: No.
BOB: Rhinoceros?
RALPH: I need to go cannibal for a day if I'm going to kick this thing.
BOB: Cannibal?
RALPH: There's no other way.
BOB: That's gross. And kind of disturbing.
RALPH: That's the idea.
BOB: Who were you going to eat?
RALPH: You've been a good friend, Bob. I'm sure you'll make a good meal.
BOB: What?
RALPH: There's no one I'd rather have sloshing through my intestines than you.
BOB: People don't eat their friends! Pick someone else! You've got a whole school full of people to choose from! RALPH: The cheerleaders are too skinny to be satisfying. The jocks would put up too much of a fight. The teachers are old and leathery and would probably be too hard to chew. The drama kids are too weird, and that goes double for the math team. The goths are just... no. So that leaves you.
BOB: Ralph, you've put way too much thought into this.
RALPH: Plus, you're too small to put up much of a fight, and your legs are too short to run away. (Omit if
RALPH is not bigger than BOB.)
BOB: You've put way, way too much thought into this. (Omit if RALPH is not bigger than BOB.)
RALPH: I'm thinking about majoring in philosophy when I get to college.
BOB: And that'll make you... what? “Ralph, the Cannibal Philosopher”?
RALPH: “Ralph, the Vegan Cannibal Philosopher.”
BOB: You're talking about killing me!
RALPH: And it