It’s times like these when I am by myself that I miss my Jane. To a blind man the most important thing is his hearing and it hurts when there is no one around to hear. When no one is around to hold or smell the sweet smell of your hair. I have learned to live with this pain for several months now. Memories of you Jane is what keeps me going in such a struggling time. I understand that it has been a year since you’ve left me; I also now understand that you may never return, but am I a fool to hope you do one day. You will always be the love of my life, and I must be ready for you by becoming the man you once loved a year ago. The man you almost wed to. We were so close to a prosperous and happy life and then my past crept up and shattered everything. Bertha frightened you, as she did me, and you fled. Jane, you would never love a man who made you run away. You have probably found someone who is lucky to have you. Jane I realize now that I don’t deserve you, that I took you for granted. Look where I have ended up with out you, without vision and without a hand. My estate in Thornfield burned to the ground and I had to move to Ferndean to recover. My life has completely fallen apart. I snap at my dearest servants Mary and John when they try and help me out because I just get so frustrated on how helpless I have become. It isn’t right to treat them this way, but I feel so suffocated living in darkness. I am so afraid to continue my life this way. Afraid that my disability will consume who I am. I must always have candles lit when it is night, so I can feel the warmth of light. Foolish it may sound, but it lets me know that something is there and that I will not get lost in the cold of the night.