Reese Barden
Public Speaking B.3
4/11/11
How to Conquer the World (Inform)
Today, I would like to explain to all of you how one could easily conquer the world. This is an interesting topic to discuss, and has many different solutions, but I believe that I have configured the best formula on how to do so. But prior to my plan, I will explain to all of you the background of the situation. In short, the earthquake in Japan will cause tsunamis to hit the coast of California. Then the werewolves will become extinct because they can only doggy paddle for so long. Then the seismic waves from the constant flow of the earthquake from Japan that continued to the seismic plates on the west coast of the United States will cause the Yellowstone Caldera “Supervolacano” to erupt. The eruption is estimated to create a crater in all of Yellowstone National Park, but could ultimately kill off all life on most of the west coast, and cover the entire country in suet. This would cause the Vampire to arise from the dark, and they would farm humans to maintain their own survival rate. Simultaneously, the government would be testing a new substance from space, and this substance would affect one person. Turning that one individual into a zombie, that zombie would infect another person, and there would be a zombie outbreak. The zombies would fight the vampires, and would surely win just because of sheer mass in population. While this is all happening I will have moved to Europe, and I will become the leader of the European dragons during the dispute between them and the Asian dragons. Anyway… Former leaders have attempted this objective such as, Napoleon and Hitler, but they epically failed. My plan includes three steps to perfecting this art. First, one must assemble the strongest and quickest military on the planet. Second, one must create a unified religious or national sentiment. And finally, a true leader must have impeccable oratory skills, and should not make similar mistakes of past world leaders. These three pillars of ingenious knowledge are only the outline on how to takeover this lively, gaseous sphere.
First, Genghis Khan believed that one should collect the fastest and strongest military possible. I personally believe that the fastest and strongest weapon and soldier is the dragon. A dragon is the equivalent to a flying, thinking tank, and surprisingly I have come up with the technology to control the dragon species. A mind probing device that will be placed behind every dragon’s ear will let me control the thoughts and actions of every dragon. You all are probably wondering how dragons came into existence of the modern world anyway. The answer to this is quite simple, the 8.9 magnitude earthquake around Japan has awoken dragons all around the world, and they have had a secret ‘Dragon Civil War’ between different dragon races under the Earth. In brief side note: the Asian cultured dragons have become extinct by the claws of the European dragons. Dragons are the perfect weapon thought because they are easily controlled, immune to nuclear weapons of mass destruction, and they can fly and breathe fire. Enough said.
Second, one should create a unified religion or national state. Honestly I have no problem with multiple races or religions, but everyone shall know that there is only one ruler of the Earth. Influencing the idea of absolutism by divine right would probably be the best approach. Also coming up with many holidays during the year would be an excellent idea. Establishing a glorious day of celebration on the date of the ruler’s birthdate would be a good start. Also having a day of reminding the citizens of when they were conquered would have great prosperity. And finally, having days of fun such as ‘Walk like a Robot Day’ or ‘Fly like an Airplane Day’, would keep things original during the long year. Not forgetting about ‘Opposite Day’ or every religion’s annual holiday because everyone likes confusion and presents. The ruler