I Want to Make Me Feel Wanted
Keshia Murphy
Abilene Christian University
February 9 2015

I Want to Make Me Feel Wanted “Without inspiration the best powers of the mind remain dormant. There is a fuel us which needs to be ignited with sparks.” -Johann Gottfried Von Herder. Throughout life I have come to learn that I have a difficult time with needing to feel wanted. I am incredibly outgoing and have a lot of friends and family, but I do not always feel as though I am wanted in their presence or in their life. This need for wanting to feel wanted is what has fueled my career choice in wanting to be in the psychology/counseling profession. The need to feel wanted I grew up in a very traditional southern Baptist family. We prayed before each meal, we were in church every Sunday, never took the lord’s name in vain, modest in dress and speech, and always cared for our neighbors. We were that picture perfect little Christian family. I grew up in a nice suburban neighborhood. A place with great friends, fun and safe neighbors and a place where everyone wanted to know everyone. You felt invited and at home. Sounds great, until you have to go to school. The only surrounding schools were not so warm and inviting. Most of the students poured in from low income neighborhoods where violence, drugs and hatred were a norm. Going to these schools I and a few others were pretty singled out.
We dressed different, looked different, smelled different and spoke differently than the others did. The few of us that were singled out make friends pretty quick. Until the need to conform set it in. One by one the small group of us that were ‘different’ soon joined the others. Well, all except me and like four others. Our small group did not fit in anywhere. Within our group we did not care for each other much. Our personalities all too different, but not different enough to join the rest. When the ‘norms’ did want us, it was for our money, or our intelligence. If we said not we were exiled more than we already were and then shamed. They would say and do hurtful things. The type of things that stick with a person forever. So I would ‘help’ them so I could feel wanted and accepted by them. I did not know it yet, but this is what would be my motivation to be a psychologist/counselor.
How I cope. Ever since then, I have just wanted to feel accepted and needed. I help others the best way I can. Now I help in a different way. Sometimes being the shoulder, that ear to listen, that chef when you hungry, that voice when your broken, and I do all of these things because it gives me that sense of belonging. Though explaining it like this makes it sounds selfish, I do what I do because I need it and I love it. I have come to learn that even though we have the power to heal our self, sometimes we need the help of another to coach us in a healthier way of healing. We also have the power to stop what wants to happen, from happening when we refuse to forgive, holding on to anger and resentment without healing. Being present with oneself in ways that honor and respects that person within inspires greater awareness and