I did not want to raise my child in an environment where there was violence or where he would witness his mother be berated emotionally and physically. The thought of my son witnessing his father call me a "*****" or worst was not acceptable. My ex broke lamps, remote controls, moved furniture, screamed and cursed. He almost killed me emotionally with his emotional abuse. I went from self-confident to self-doubting and from stable to depressed. After I left him, I regained a sense of myself but it was scary that I lost it to begin with. If I am honest, I take culpability for not taking the time to get to know him. I thought he was a good catch: an extremely handsome military man, romantic, and sentimental The father of my only child is indifferent, mean spirited and careless yet to the world he appears as Mr. Wonderful, a "dream guy". Abusers are really good at being charming. It is a fact especially when they are book smart and know how to "talk the talk “Getting pregnant by an abuser sort was like hitting rock bottom in my so called love addiction but the irony is out of hitting rock bottom I have the most beautiful love of my life who I cherish everyday: my son. On the other hand, I think of all the things I should of done before getting pregnant like getting my master's degree and achieving stability in a good work environment. Now I am alone and doing it on my own. Sometimes I feel scared. I never been on welfare or rental subsidies but now I am struggling to find work and I am concerned that I may have to resort to those things if the I don't get work.
