I wish that I could say that I have completely pulled myself through this period of not knowing who I am, however in contrast, the struggle to regain solid ground has been all uphill and the burden of feeling lost in my world became magnified, more confused, and a period of testing that I am not even sure how I survived this time, except by the grace of God and the support of my daughters and friends. I am confident, however, that these trials that I have been going through are going to work out for the good, eventually.

I should probably give a brief overview of what has been going on this past year. To begin with, when my husband came home from Afghanistan, he was changed, I was changed, we were no longer on the same team or even the same mind set. When he left, he was my best friend; when he came home, life was a roller coaster going full speed with no brakes! We have not yet been able to find what we had before he left, and the loss I feel is tremendous.

In addition to my husband returning as a stranger, my twins were each suffering in completely different ways, one with an eating disorder with image distortion and her sister with depression and disconnection to our whole immediate family. When they began to suffer with problems beyond my ability to help them with, I suddenly felt as if I was a failure as a mother. Although my girls today tell me I've been a great mother and should not feel guilty for what they have been going through, I still bear the