In order to effectively communicate, we need to distinguish the difference between inferences and facts. Inferences are usually based on interpretations that are outside the facts and end up in big misunderstandings. Facts are based on truths. In the conversations I’ve participated in during the past twenty- four hours, some clear examples of the distinctions between facts and inferences that will be shown. One of the conversations I’ve had recently was between me and a male friend who is single. Our conversation was about relationships and he was telling me that he needs to be in a relationship because he misses intimacy, having someone to count on and that he feels lonely. I explained to him my feelings about his so called needs. I told him, “you should be happy because you have a lot of family and friends and a great job with great pay; what else could you be looking for?” He just got out of a very intense relationship with an older woman almost twice his age that he was living with and before that he had a girlfriend that cheated on him with his friend. I just basically trying to protect his feelings told him that he needs to stay single and enjoy his life. After I made those statements, he completely changed the conversation.
Within this conversation, I made inferences as to what in though were facts and what I felt he needs when in reality I had no idea. I should’ve made statements like, “I feel like you’d benefit from some space” or “I understand how you feel”. I could’ve asked a question like, “Why do you feel like you need those things from a female?” Those statements would’ve been more accurate and would’ve brought out his thoughts. If I let him speak, the conclusion of the discussion would’ve ended with an understanding instead of an uncomfortable change in topic. Another interesting conversation was with me and my mate. We live together and he hadn’t been home in a week and I had no idea why or where he was. I confronted him asking, “What’s going on and why haven’t you come or called me!?” I told him that if he doesn’t want to be with me, he needs to tell me so that I can go. He said nonchalant things like, “I know I haven’t been home in a week, I was hanging out with my friends clearing my mind”, “Sometimes I want to be with you and sometimes I don’t, I don’t know anymore”. He asked me questions like, “What are you doing here? Why do you have an attitude?” and I was so angry and upset that I simply stopped talking to him. He kept saying that I was being rude and that I wanted it to be over. When we got home we were still talking and I asked him