Symptoms: dizziness, nausea, shortness of breath. I turned away. I didn't want to pet it, befriend it, name it, or grow attached to it in any way. If I did, there was no way IU be able to go through with this. My girlfriend Katie, whom IU brought along for moral support, felt the same way. "Oh my God-it just haao at me:' she squealed in delight and horror. "I can't look. I'll fall in love:' So much for moral support. "Is this wrong?" I asked Mad Dog as we drove into the forest in grim silence. "I need a moral justification for doing this:' "This is the circle of life:' he answered coldly, without sympathy. He was thin, with ropy muscles, a receding hairline, piercing blue eyes, and a brown handlebar mustache. His hat was emblazoned with the Revolutionary War slogan "Don't tread on me:' and he wore a sleeveless T-shirt advertising his handmade knives. "Every steak you bought at Safeway started out looking like this:' he continued. "If you need a rationalization, you're hungry and you need to eat today. And if you want to eat, something has to die:' Then he leaned forward, flipped on his stereo, and blasted AClDC's "Kicked in the Teeth:' Unlike me, Mad Dog was a real man. He could chop wood, make fire, forge weapons, kill his own food, and defend himself with his bare hands. In other words, he could survive on his own-without Con Edison, without AT&T, without Exxon, without McDonald's, without Wal-Mart, without two and a half centuries of American civilization and industry.