The Hills are alive with the sound of…CALAMITY!!!

This fake-improvised reality series contains best friends, bogus love and a whole lot of bitchiness, and by snaking soullessly into the hearts of its undiscriminating viewers, it has become a hit. The sheer foolishness of the irritating bickering paraded in front of us under the guise of entertainment leaves me to assume that its fans must be as mind numbingly dumb and lacking in an atom’s worth of character as the idiots on screen.

Hopefully you’ve never seen The Hills, although it’s splashed on plenty of tabloid covers and in nearly every other byway of modern media. Allow me to fill you in. The amazingly twisted ‘Hills’, is a vicious reality show, mocking our hearts and playing with our allegiances. The show follows the life of one individual Lauren Conrad as she moves to LA and finds a new best friend Heidi, countless (and I really do mean countless) hunky-dory boyfriends and a fabulous job in the fashion industry. We could be forgiven for thinking this princess cruising around in her die-for BMW, has everything a girl could wish for in life, but in true reality show style, LC realises there’s more to life than BMWs as she tries to juggle work, school and relationships. The show that ‘seemed’ to portray youthful friendships turns towards more predictable cruelties - good-looking playboys only committed to those young women who wear low-rise pants and knee length boots in warm weather.

The full-on series started off with Laguna Beach, then The Hills and now The City; aren’t we lucky? We’re glued to our seats expecting America’s Best Dance Crew to be on any minute and instead we get The Hills. Yet we’re voluntarily welcoming the abuse, mainly because of the use of a Natasha Bedingfield song and dreamy cinematography in the opening credits. And there we are, drawn into this super-fake programme. So the song finishes and the whole thing fires up boasting about the enchanted lifestyle in LA, in which everything goes ‘perfectly’. If you forget the fact that there’s not one episode where quarrels haven’t abounded, of course.

An ‘is it scripted or isn’t it?’ storm is brewing around this season of The Hills. In a bizarre confusion between reality and TV, Spencer Pratt, (one of LC’s enemies whose personality is equivalent to a donkey’s behind), has proposed to Heidi: invited the paparazzi to the ‘bling wedding’, and printed photos of their ‘not so wow’ honeymoon in Mexico all over magazine covers; its just a shame the Pratts who are in fact living up to their name, didn’t catch the swine! The celebs’ families are then welcomed in a confusing façade blurring reality and scripted entertainment resulting in the bride and her best friend having a ‘well staged’ fight over the groom. The ex-best friend LC however was ‘only’ providing her opinion towards the groom’s selfish behaviour, as in the past he had told his chumps a little secret (how juvenile) of LC making a sex tape. But, LC did show up at the ceremony to satisfy her ‘frienemies’ Heidi and Spencer. It’s all just a bit seedy with their foolhardiness heart. A tad rehearsed I’d say.

From what we see, the mothers are portrayed as mentors for their daughters, discussing their day to day dilemmas of boyfriends, when in actual fact they’re really duplicates of their daughters! Dressing half naked even when its winter, then whisked in front of cameras for close-up