Exercise 11.4
5. Parenting practices
A. Growing up as a child in a household of a total of five children and two parents, there were many rules and expectations. As a family, all of my siblings and I were expected to contribute to our family whether it be cleaning, doing chores, taking out the garbage or whatever was asked of us. While the expectations did not vary much between the girls and boys in my family, the discipline used in my family was harsher on the girls then the boys. For example, if my sisters and I disobeyed our parents we would get spanked and sent to our rooms, where as if my brothers disobeyed they would only get scolded. I never could make sense of this but it did affect me as a child because it was so unfair. My parents did not speak to us much when we did something wrong, instead they used what I call “ignorant punishment”. In my opinion the punishment my parents used was totally inappropriate with nothing gained and learned from it. I am assuming that my parents did not know any better and believed that their punishment was effective. Expectations were pretty much the same, we all were expected to behave in a certain manner, expected to do chores, get good grades and love and respect one another.

B. In my family my father was the main decision maker. My mother could not really make a decision unless my father was informed and then he had the final say. My parents did not make decisions together, it seemed as if my mother would never have much say in anything. I always sum it up to the generation that my parents were raised in. The woman belonged in the kitchen, cooking, cleaning and tending to the children and the man went out and worked and were the bosses who made all important decisions.

C. Individual rewards given for success was usually verbal praise, such as “good job” or a pat on the back. My parents were not big on rewards because doing well in something was to be expected from you. For example, when good grades were brought home my parents reacted as if that’s what you should be doing so they did not make a big deal of it. Family rewards would consist of a family vacation once a year. My family would take a road trip usually to Florida or South Carolina. Our family vacations are where I had the best memories with my family because it seemed as expectations were at rest during our vacation time and we enjoyed our time all together just feeling free and relaxed.

D. In my future family I hope to demonstrate a healthier relationship with my spouse than what my parents portrayed. I never agreed nor liked the way my mother was treated as a woman. It was unfair and I saw her being restricted as a human being. I believe that my parents were the way they were because in the generation they come from the woman was not valued and thought of as an equal as she is today. Woman did not have the rights and opportunities they have today. While my memories were not as fond as I would have liked them to be, I understand why things were the way they were. As a child you don’t see things the same as when you grow and mature as an adult. What I would not change is I would like to raise my children with the love and respect that my siblings and I were taught to have for one another and others as well. My parents taught us the value and importance of family, protecting one another and being kind to others I hope to instill the same values with my family.

Exercise 11.2
1. One significant difference between young children and adults is that adults tend to want a degree of control over their learning. As an adult learning is often situational, arising from something we are going through. We want the freedom and flexibility to learn exactly what we need to learn and be able to apply it to the particulars of our situation. Adults have choices, which is important. Adults also tend to benefit from experiential, hands-on learning opportunities. In our adult years, we can change our brain by learning something