The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief The stages of mourning and grief are universal and are experienced by people from all around the world. Mourning occurs when you or someone you know is terminal ill or dead, who was a value to you. This can also be thought of as the cause, and the stages which you go through as the effects. In our sadness, we spend different lengths of time working through each step and express each stage more or less intensely. The five stages do not necessarily occur in order. We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of death. Many of us are not afforded the luxury of time required to achieve this final stage of grief. The key to understanding the stages is not to feel like you must go through every one of them, in precise order. Instead, it’s more helpful to look at them as guides in the grieving process it helps you understand and put into context where you are. The first reaction to learning of terminal illness or death of a cherished loved one is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain. As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. You will lash out at someone who has unintentionally, or intentionally caused you pain. This could be the doctor who made you aware of an illness, the person who is ill themselves or a family member just because you are angry. As your emotions settle the effects of anger decrease, and you begin to realize that you can't help. The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–
If only we had sought medical attention sooner…
If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…
If only we had tried to be a better person toward them…
Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality. As your mind begins to overcome your emotions in this stage, the effects of bargaining diminish and you start to realize the realistic effects of the loss on yourself, which leads to depression. Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is